The three must-haves for women's wellbeing

(The ABC of women's wellness fundamentals - and they're not what you think!)

I’m not a fan of the term “middle-aged” to describe women in their 40's or 50's, and even the more innocuous “midlife” doesn’t sit completely comfortably with me either. Mainly because these terms hold a connotation of being stuck somewhere between two places. Not facing the fresh excitement of a young adult with infinite possibility ahead, and not yet at the other, older, end of the life spectrum which many women, and men for that matter, actively shun.

So talking about being “middle-aged” just sounds kinda… beige. Not a time of life that can be enjoyed, celebrated, and filled with the things that make you feel alive. I say this despite the potential perils of whatever your unique perimenopausal journey looks like, and also if you are facing the often twin-pronged challenge of tricky teenagers and ageing parents.

It also assumes that we will probably live for an “average” number of years – 85.4 years for an Australian woman.[1]

Whilst statistics tell us that most of us will hit this life expectancy milestone, the act of assuming that can also create a complacency that there is always going to be time, eventually, to make for ourselves.

However, as we all know, life can throw some pretty devastating curve balls when we least expect them and nothing in life is guaranteed.

As an alternative to these life-stage adjectives my friend has coined the notion of the “grown up” woman [2], which I really like. A grown-up woman is of an age where she knows her mind, has a good idea of what works for her and her body, and is less concerned with what other people think than she used to be. By the very nature of this definition it also means someone who is less likely to follow fads that relate to their wellbeing.

After doing a career u-turn ten years ago and re-training as a health coach, and then subsequently a meditation teacher, I have watched as wellness fads have waxed and waned in the media and with the public. If we are experiencing changes in our bodies that we view negatively, or aspects of our lives are feeling out of control (hello perimenopause symptoms!) then it is understandable that the lure of a quick fix that might help whatever we see as the problem holds great appeal. However often these kinds of quick fixes are short-lived, and might end up draining your patience as well as your wallet without actually helping you to create sustainable lifestyle improvements.

Following one of the most challenging times of my life this year, after my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, I have reflected deeply about what wellness means when your life as you know it gets turned on its head. I distilled three basic things that grown-up women need to create a solid foundation for their wellbeing – what I like to think of as the ABC of wellness.

A - Awareness

The “A” in this triumvirate stands for AWARENESS. Bringing awareness to things like your body, mind, breath, reactions, choices, unconscious biases and relationships, enables you to take yourself off autopilot and choose the path you want to take, in relation to any part of your wellness. It empowers you by giving you agency and the chance to create direction in your wellbeing.

B - Breath

The “B” stands for BREATH. Humans are complex animals and we have a unique relationship with stress. Our nervous system, designed to keep us safe from harm, worked perfectly for our cave-dwelling ancestors but can become maladapted in our modern world.

We can get stuck in states of chronic stress that cause a cascade of impacts to our wellbeing. We can lose the ability to bring ourselves out of our stress response, or to harness the “good stress” that can help us achieve things.

Conveniently, our breath is the fastest and easiest way to navigate our way back to a state of ease. To bring us out of the sympathetic nervous system response and back into parasympathetic activity. It is free, always with us, and with a bit of mindfulness practice can be used to manage the things that create challenge in our life when we are aware of them. (See “A”, above!)

C - Compassion

Finally, the “C” stands for COMPASSION. More specifically, self-compassion. And no, I’m not leaning into the woo-woo or ephemeral parts of wellness culture here. Self-compassion is a science-based, extensively studied technique for improving the human experience. Part of living is messing things up, and we humans (especially women) can be particularly hard on ourselves when things go wrong, in a way that we would never treat a friend in the same circumstances. Training yourself to be self-compassionate can improve your mental health, stress and anxiety, resilience, relationships and physical health. It is a practice that you can learn and then utilise in the moment of a difficult experience.

Incorporating a tool like this as a foundation of your wellbeing can give you the ability to weather the ups and downs of whatever is going on in your life, as well as working out what works for you in the context of your own individual wellness.

Ready to look after yourself?

So if you’re a grown up woman like me, try developing these three foundations for your wellbeing and see what kind of solid base they create for you to have a good relationship with your stress, feel at home in your body, and to make choices to look after yourself.

If you need a hand with any of this then:

• Click here to arrange a free discovery call with me to see if we would be a good fit for some 1:1 health coaching sessions;

• Click here to try one of my free meditations; or

• Click here to subscribe to my mailing list to be kept up to date on posts like this, news, events and my upcoming courses and group programs as they become available.

Look after yourself.

With love,

Hilary x

[1] https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/population/life-tables/2019-2021. Accessed on 17 October 2023.

[2] Check out her newsletter Fleeting Insights