Redefining self-care for real life

Ah, self-care—the buzzword that often conjures images of bubble baths, fancy candles and massages. But for busy people, the idea of that kind of self-care can almost feel irritating - it might be hard to fit in, sometimes expensive, and there's an element of indulgence to it.

Plus, when you see people posting about these kinds of activities on social media it can occasionally feel a bit virtue-signalling. As in, if you can make the time to fit these kind of activities in then you've really got your life together. If this is the opposite of how you are feeling in that moment then it could easily trigger your inner critic if you're not mindful of it. 

From my personal experience, I have noticed that during times of chaos, self-care, particularly mindful self-care, becomes crucial. The self-care practices I've found helpful are not indulgent; rather, they involve things like accepting help, establishing boundaries, self-reflection, engaging in difficult conversations, learning to say no, focusing on my needs, and staying true to my values.

So while obviously there’s nothing wrong with a little pampering from time to time (in fact, it's quite wonderful and I say I wholehearted YES to those things!), it’s time we disrupt the traditional idea of self-care and dive deeper into what it really means, and how to add that extra layer of mindfulness to it that then supports our ongoing wellbeing.

Mindful self-care

Mindful self-care is like the Swiss army knife of wellness—it’s versatile, practical, and multi-faceted. And while those little scissors are just so tiny, they are still always there when you need them in a pinch.

Mindful self-care involves things like:

• bringing calm awareness to your decision making;

• becoming aware of your habits and thought patterns (even those not-so-glamorous ones), 

• being intentional about what you need to nurture your ongoing wellbeing - in particular, aligning your actions with your values, and

• being proactive in choosing to do the things that will sustain you physically, mentally and emotionally.

In actively choosing to care for ourselves, we also act as an example to the people around us, showing them how we should be respected and treated.

Know and respect yourself 

One of the key aspects of mindful self-care is tuning into and respecting your body. Your body is constantly talking to you, and it's important to listen before it has to 'yell' to get your attention. 

For example, tuning in to when a relationship feels unbalanced or not in alignment with your values; noticing when you are getting physical cues about discomfort or dis-ease in your body; and making choices to support yourself when you need to,  to avoid burnout. 

One metaphor for this type of self-care is thinking of your body as a living plant. I love indoor plants and have many in my office.  However if one of them started losing leaves, going brown, or looking limp and lifeless, if I started looking after it at that point, it might be too late. Self-care is akin to regular feeding, watering, and proactive nurturing—like scheduling in daily movement, practicing mindfulness, or prioritising sleep. Things that will help you to flourish on the inside and out.

Cultivating mindful self-care

Mindful self-care doesn’t have to be complicated. I suggest that you start small and build from there. The key to sustainable lifestyle change is consistency, and experiencing some success with your initial changes can help to drive further success with other ideas. Here are a few ideas to spark your imagination:

• Listen to yourself: You know yourself and your life best - take time to tune in and listen to yourself when making decisions.

• Set boundaries: Say “no” to what drains you, whether it’s certain social obligations, being treated poorly by someone, or scrolling through social media. Have a look at your diary and assess what you've got coming up.  Your time and energy is precious—choose how to use it wisely. Consider whether you are over-committed at the moment and how you could manage that.

• Be attentive: Pay attention to your thoughts, emotions, habits, relationships and patterns. Are there things you do that leave you feeling depleted? Are there things that you could do differently that would have a positive impact on your day? Take note and make adjustments. This could by anything from creating a morning routine, to rearranging the furniture in a room to create a more inviting space for yourself, to spending less time with someone.

• Get proactive: Develop daily routines that support your wellbeing, like a morning stretch, meditation or a bedtime routine to help you to wind-down and signal that sleep is coming — routines can be excellent pathways to improving your life.

• Prioritise your needs: Think about what you are going to do to meet your own needs, and schedule this within your week, if you need the time. For example, getting out in nature for a walk with a friend, or spending time by yourself to recharge mentally or emotionally.

• Declutter your space: This week, a friend and I discussed decluttering as an act of self-care. We think of it as a way to refresh both a space, and also our mindsets. While it might not be everyone's go-to, creating order in your personal environment can have a powerful impact on how you feel.

• Exercise self-compassion: Don't forget to be kind to yourself if the wheels have fallen off... everyone makes mistakes, has missteps, and experiences failures and difficulty in their life. It is part of being human, and part of our shared humanity. Have a read of this post HERE to read more about the importance of self-compassion for busy women.

Embracing self-responsibility for wellness

I invite you to consider what mindful self-care might look like for you, and how you can take responsibility for your own wellness journey. What do you need to do in order to help you feel your best? Is it adding something into your day, changing how you already do something, or taking something out? 

Treating yourself like a best friend that you know inside-out is a great starting point.  Bring fresh eyes to your own self-care as if you were thinking about it for a loved one - what would you suggest for them, if they lived your life?

If you've read something in this post that resonates with you I'd love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts below or send this to a friend who might find it helpful.

As always, please look after yourself!

Hilary x